I FEEL A MOAN COMING ON!

Let me preface this article by saying that I am one lucky woman to have been born in the United States of America.  It is not by virtue that I am here, it is by chance.

Having been given this chance, I deeply love, appreciate and respect everything this country stands for (or used to stand for), and my way of thanking this country is that I have worked since I was 14, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs at a time, and currently I am working 4 jobs, all with companies that I created out of ash without borrowing a dime.  I pay a gigantic amount of taxes to this country and follow the rules set forth by the government now, as well as the ones my country was founded on by our forefathers.  I employ many people and for years put their needs ahead of my own, declining salaries from my own company so that my staff could be paid.  I have invested every dime I have earned into my companies so that they would survive some of the worst economies of my lifetime, and did so successfully, even though it put me at the brink of homelessness.  But due to extremely hard work and taking quick and necessary action to preserve everything I had built, my companies, and my staff all survived, and there was not a pay cut (except mine) for any of them, unlike so many companies and employees out there.

So, here is my moan.  An article came out in the last days that in certain parts of California, people are apparently not allowed to wear the American Flag on their shirt.  I am assuming this also applies to pins, hats, patches, stickers, jewelry and face paint.  My reaction?  Are you flipping' (I would have F-bombed here) serious?  THIS IS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!  This is OUR flag.  If you are here as a citizen, a visitor, an alien (legal or illegal), you had better well respect this country and its flag.  I bet most of this country doesn't even know there are rules, a code, for owning an American Flag.  Did YOU know there are rules?  if not, here is just Section 8 of those rules:

§8. Respect for flag

No disrespect should be shown to the flag of the United States of America; the flag should not be dipped to any person or thing. Regimental colors, State flags, and organization or institutional flags are to be dipped as a mark of honor.

1. The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.
2. The flag should never touch anything beneath it, such as the ground, the floor, water, or merchandise.
3. The flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free.
4. The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery. It should never be festooned, drawn back, nor up, in folds, but always allowed to fall free. Bunting of blue, white, and red, always arranged with the blue above, the white in the middle, and the red below, should be used for covering a speaker's desk, draping the front of the platform, and for decoration in general.
5. The flag should never be fastened, displayed, used, or stored in such a manner as to permit it to be easily torn, soiled, or damaged in any way.
6. The flag should never be used as a covering for a ceiling.
7. The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature.
8. The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, carrying, or delivering anything.
9. The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard. Advertising signs should not be fastened to a staff or halyard from which the flag is flown.
10. No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations. The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a living thing. Therefore, the lapel flag pin being a replica, should be worn on the left lapel near the heart.
11. The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning

The full Rules and Regulations, or Flag Code can be found here:  http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/flagcode.htm

The American Flag is a symbol of honor, the symbol of the United States of America.  To deny it in any part of this country or to disrespect it is like going into someone's church and spitting at its icons, whatever they may be.  It disgusts me that people in the United States are now attacking our national flag.  We have seen the extreme left attack Christianity and have gone so far as to want the work God removed from our currency.  We are no longer allowed to pray in public schools.  The pledge of allegiance is something for the history books.  We cater to foreigners' beliefs as not to 'offend' them on our own soil.  We change the direction toilets face in prisons because Muslims can only shit in a certain direction or it will offend their God, or Ala.  Can you imagine?  WE CHANGED THE DIRECTION THAT MUSLIM PRISONERS GET TO SHIT, AND I PAID FOR THAT!  IN MY OWN COUNTRY!  WITH THE 49% IN TAXES THAT I PAY, RELIGIOUSLY (couldn't help the pun).

I am so sick of everyone trying to be Politically Correct.  What the hell for?  The United States of America has innate values and codes of conduct that include respect for one another, but does not require us to placate to anyone.  If someone comes here and is offended by our Flag, our God, our way of life, then LEAVE.  Go back to wherever you came from if you cannot or will not be respectful.  And for the love of Pete, if you break our laws and end up in prison, you can shit in whatever direction we tell you to shit.  You lost your right to shit facing the west or whatever the hell the rule of your countries and religions are.  You are in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  You abide by OUR rules, OUR values, OUR codes of conduct, and if you can't abide by them, then RESPECT THEM, and don't expect the people of the United States to change our ways to accommodate you.  That is NOT what this country stands for.  You are free to believe whatever you wish, but you are not free to change what the people of this country believes in and honors.  No way.

I am done being PC.  I will call anyone out who plays this ridiculous game.  Blacks don't call whites Caucasian.  I will not call a black person African American.  It's absurd.  Black people call us WHITE.  She's black, he's white...who cares!  It is just a color, not a slander.  Illegal Aliens are now Illegal Immigrants.  Soon they will something else, like "welcome guests from a foreign land" because we will be afraid to say who, where and what the truth of the situation is.  People who here illegally are HERE ILLEGALLY!  Do you think other countries allow this?  Absolutely NOT.  It would never fly, not unlike our flag is doomed for if people from the United States of America do not put a stop to all this non-sense.

Okay, I think you get my point, like it or not.  I will stand tall and protect the values of this country, the values and code of the American Flag, and if you are black, I will call you black, and if you are white, I will call you white.  If you are acting like an idiot, I will tell you so.  And by God, I will chain myself to the next prison toilet that they think they have to rotate for a Muslim prisoner who is nothing but a criminal and a burden to the people of the United States.

Enemies, Come Sit At My Table.

I was walking home from the bus stop one afternoon with my friend that I played violin with at school in the late 60's-early 70's.  It was a rural street, still dirt and curiously mud covered water puddle road that we walked up and down every day.  But this day was different.  About half way down, we could see the flashers of police cars, and a lot of them.  As we grew closer, the police kept us from proceeding, and we saw a truck that said SWAT on it.  These scary men in black were up in the trees and on roof tops, and someone was talking through a loud speaker to "come out with your hands up".  All of this was surrounding and aimed strait at my friends house.

When we were finally able to approach, which I suppose is when they determined that there was no longer any danger, it was discovered that my friends father had shot and killed his mother, then himself, according to their next door neighbor.  I skid-addled home as quickly as I could, not knowing what else to do.

I only remember two interactions between me and my friend after that event.  The first was the two of us sitting outside in front of his house, in the ditch between some giant pine trees that lined the front of his property.  The only thing I remember him saying was "If my father was still alive, I would kill him".  The other interaction wasn't an interaction with him directly, but a discovery in his music locker.  It was a love letter between my friend and another boy.  I thought there was something really wrong as I had no experience or knowledge about homosexuality, and I showed it to my music teacher.  He took it from me and said nothing.

I went back to minding my own business, but as far as I can remember, that is where our friendship ended, and I lost track of him after that.  I think he and his older sister and brother moved away at some point.  I do remember thinking that he would probably be fucked-up forever, and felt guilty and helpless and wish I would have known how to be a better friend.  I remember hearing a long time ago that he was working at a gas station and was a mess.  It made me cry.

With the advent of FaceBook, I randomly and periodically search for names from my past, and lo, there was my friend.  He had followed his musical talent all the way across the country achieving a degree in teaching music, and proudly did so at several elementary schools.  He is still gay, and by every appearance, seems about as happy as any human being that I have ever read about on FB.  Not only was he accomplished, but in love, happy, living in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and had somehow overcome what I can imagine is one of the most devastating life events that anyone could ever survive.  How was this even possible?

In a word, forgiveness.

I've been thinking about forgiveness for the last several months.  I have been trained for many years the importance of forgiveness in our lives, and how it dissolves resentments.  During the past couple of years, I have had a string of betrayals from people that I loved so very dearly.  I was not aware of most of them until after the fact which made them somehow even more painful.  I suppose I'd rather be punched in the face directly than stabbed in the back.  Regardless, there were several in succession, and while they were nothing like what my friend experienced, if one can overcome the kind of resentment he had towards his father, I should be able to rise above these less devastating, nonetheless painful injustices.

There were several instances of slander from people whom I treated with the utmost respect and love.  I don't know where it came from.  Perhaps I wore too many hats in those relationships which can often lead to trouble, but I am one to be able to handle dual relationships, and after considerable conversations with the other party, I was convinced that they would be able to do the same.  I was wrong, and so were they.  While painful, the infractions were fairly minor, and while I expelled her from my life as a friend, I did tell her in a separate communication that I love her, and I meant it.  I still do.  I have no resentment towards her, whatsoever.  She was simply tangled in the web of a spider of greater strength then her own and followed suit.  It wasn't her fault.  One day, I will invite her to my dinner table and hope to resume the nature of what our previous relationship consisted of.  My being a supportive role model, and in this case, one that displays the ability to forgive.

Another is a little more difficult and I haven't taken any action on this one yet.  And yes, my resentment still looms in the recesses of my grey matter.  It involves an individual who was in a position to steal from me many thousands of dollars in cash and equipment, defraud an account, attempt to corrupt my reputation with business associates and has thus walked.  I have the legal right to file criminal charges against this individual to try to recoup some of my losses, but at what cost?  I don't know if any of you have ever been involved in a lawsuit, but they are about as toxic as any process can be.

I have had other experiences where I had the choice to file suit or let it go and let Karma take care of it all, and chose the later.  Karma always won in the end when I've made this choice.  It seems like it would be an easy choice again, but that resentment is gnawing at me like a God-damned weasel in my brain wanting retaliation, and would relish seeing this person behind bars.

So, I look back and remember my rediscovered friend for the answer without even having to ask him.  I have to forgive this person.  I have to take the high road and let Karma take care of the situation.  It always does much better job than I could anyway, and I am saved all the anguish that goes along with having to handle it myself.

I remember witnessing many lessons about different forms of forgiveness, or at least the end result, and one of them cam from the play Les Miserable when I was quite young.  First of all, I don't like plays.  I do not like being made to sit in one place that long as it caused extreme claustrophobia and other various discomforts.  As far as I am concerned, the title translated to "I'm Miserable", and couldn't wait to get out of there.  But I do remember a scene where people were stealing from some man, and he knew it, but kept inviting them to eat at his table.  It seemed so odd to me that it captured my attention, and I never forgot it.

The other similar lesson was from a book I read many ears ago called The Fifth Sacred Thing where more horrible things were happening in the world, and the innocent were inviting the 'enemy' to sit at their table.  There it was again.  It was much different than the 'turning the other cheek' I remember from childhood'.  It was much deeper and much more risky.  Inviting the enemy to break bread with you.  It is not a tactic that I have implemented yet, but I intend to try it.  It has revealed itself to me again and again in ways that has stuck in my consciousness.

So, perhaps my New Year's Resolution will be to give this process a try as a means of forgiveness.  Something tells me that it is the right thing to do, and will perhaps lead to much more than forgiveness, but maybe even understanding, and maybe a little closer to them and to God.

Thank you, my childhood friend.  You set an amazing example for us all.

Asheville’s Pack Square Cultural District

Image via WikipediaI have a long history of maintaining a small business in the heart of Asheville’s “Pack Square Cultural District”.  I wasn’t aware that this part of Asheville’s Downtown had a name until recently when I started to notice signage saying this part of town was this way or that part of town was that way.

I started to consider the name they gave to my section of town.  What did it include and why did they give it this name?  The area includes many restaurants and shops, the City Building and County Courthouse, the fire and police stations, a lovely park area that took a couple of years to complete…but what was the cultural aspect they are referring to?  It all seemed pretty ‘white-bread’, tourist centered to me, except for one little corner that is truly culturally rich and diverse.  That little corner is called Eagle Street.

I first became familiar with Eagle Street when I moved my fledgling business there in 1999.  I immediately fell in love with the small block and our new neighbors, who were ever so welcoming.  It wasn’t until after I moved my business there that I became aware of the rather glooming reputation that Eagle Street sported.  I heard whispers of ‘that’s the black part of town’ to ‘that’s where the drug dealers hang out’.  For the life of me, I couldn’t understand such a rap when I had come to know and love many of the shop owners and patrons of this beautiful tree-lined street.  For me, it was a beautiful safe haven for my business in the most ideal location, and the rent was great!

After a couple of years, my business continued to grow, and I soon found myself outgrowing the space I was in.  At the urging of my accountant, I purchased some property on the outskirts of town to house the major part of my business, but kept one of the pieces of my business right there on Eagle Street.  It was the smallest part of my business, but centrally located and secure, it was to remain right where it was.

Many years later, and in a dramatically different economic climate, I decided to bring the major portion of my business back into the downtown area.  I looked at many areas of town, from north Asheville to the River District, and found myself looking at Eagle Street once again.  I saw tenants who had been there longer than I had and loved visiting with them, catching up after such a long period of time.  Many told me how much they missed me and missed my business.  They told me that Eagle Street had become a ghost town after I left, and it was said with great warmth and heavy hearts.

I decided it was destiny that I return to Eagle Street.  I contacted the property manager of the building where I already occupied space, and he at once appeared, showing me some of the wonderful units that had been lying empty for year.  He agreed to customize them just for my use and even installed shiny new windows for me.  Construction continues and is scheduled for completion on November 15^th, the day we plan to begin moving back in to our culturally diverse neighborhood.

I told our neighbors that I was coming back, and they were overjoyed.  One of my favorite Asheville shop owners, a barber who goes by the name of “Smooth”, said “Welcome home.”.  I was welcomed with open arms by all on this darling street in Asheville.  I knew I was coming home the moment I stepped foot back on Eagle Street.  With its bricked sidewalks and full-growth trees and truly diverse cultural background, I couldn’t feel more at home.  Black, white, Hispanic, men and women from far reaches of the world, all with unique products and services, I am proud to be included in this wonderful family of proud Asheville residents and shop owners.

Asheville really does have a Cultural District, and its heart beats on Eagle Street, as do the hearts of the wonderful people who call it home.  It is amusing to me that anyone would ever consider it to be anything but wonderful.  I’m glad to be coming home.

Peggy Huff is the owner of the Center for Massage & Natural Health.  She has maintained a popular Massage Therapy Center on Eagle Street since 1999 and is moving her COMTA Accredited Massage School and upwards of 50 faculty and staff, along with all her students back to Eagle Street on November 15^th, and hosting a Grand Opening Event on November 19^th.  For more information, visit her website at http://www.CenterForMassage.edu or call (828) 658-0814.

Golden Ratio & Pi

I was watching a Bones rerun recently and the lead character made a statement about a women that her partner was involved with stating that her face was within the Golden Ratio, and through out some mathematical summary.  I had no idea what she was referring to, but knew it had something to do with beauty and symmetry.

Yesterday, I decided to research the term, and found a wealth of information about the Golden Ratio on the internet, including Wikipedia, where I learned that it is all about math...the math of beauty and nature, and that it has been studies and used for more than 2400 years.  It dates back to ancient Greece, and was used by some of the philosophical and mathematical greats, including Plato and Philiads.  The go den ratio is seen in the Parthenon statues and ancient Greek archetecture.

Aesthetically speaking, the Golden Ratio yields pleasing, harmonious propotions in human anatomy as well as in architectural design.  Many of the proportions of the Parthenon itself are alleged to exhibit the Golden Ratio.

Fascinated by what I discovered, I set out to find a Golden Ratio drawing of the human face since it was used to describe someone, and see who I measured up to this mathematical design.  I found a mask-like drawing of both male and female ratios, downloaded it and used it as an overlay on a photo of myself.  To my great surprise, there was almost a perfect match, for which I can thank my mother and father.  Genetics provided me with mathematical symmetry, at least facially.  There is mathematics that apply to the body as well, but we'll leave that one alone for now.

It is also noteworthy that since I was 18 years old, I have been unexplainably drawn to the number 1111.  I have always had an almost overwhelming since of peace whenever I see it, which is quite often.  I discovered this morning that it is not just a mere number, or the attraction to the symmetry of that number in my brain as explained by an astrologer friend of mine, but is part of the Golden Ratio.  Here is the math:

The formula φ = 1 + 1/φ can be expanded recursively to obtain a continued fraction for the golden ratio:^[59]

and its reciprocal:

The convergents of these continued fractions (1/1, 2/1, 3/2, 5/3, 8/5, 13/8, …, or 1/1, 1/2, 2/3, 3/5, 5/8, 8/13, …) are ratios of successive Fibonacci numbers.

The equation φ² = 1 + φ likewise produces the continued square root, or infinite surd, form:

IT'S ALL OVER THE PLACE!  I don't know what it all means, but I am connected to it, absolutely.   I think it connects all of us in some way, but I don't know how yet.  I will explore further and let you 

know if I figure it out.  In the meantime, I will enjoy my Golden Ratio mask image as it makes me look like a superhero.

Love to you all. 

Gold Eyes and Middle Fingers

So, as if my astrological chart isn't anomalous enough, my eyes are changing color and becoming gold, or amber, and I just discovered that I have a triple loop on the middle finger of my left hand.

The eyes becoming amber are rare in humans, and is mostly seen in cats.  The finger pattern was discovered when I was finger printed for a background check, and the woman commented on how very rare a triple loop is.  She actually seemed a little freaked out by it.

I did a little research and found a man who is a finger pattern expert and he listed all the various types of finger print patterns from most common to most rare, and mine wasn't even listed.  So, I wrote to him and told him of what I discovered about my own print, and he immediately asked for a digital copy of it.  I tried scanning it, but too small, and I don't have an ink pad to make a copy, but I'll get one and send it off to him.  He said he has never seen one, nor has he ever hear of or read of one like mine, and is highly intrigued.

So, I don't know what it all means.  But it probably explains to some extent why my life is as colorful as it is, and always has been.  I'll let you know about the 'triple loop' if/when I ever learn more about it.

As for the eyes...meow.

Craving The Balsamic Moon Phase, Aged, of Course

My brilliant astrologer called me last night because he saw my FaceBook posts about me chopping my hair. He wanted to know if I was okay, knowing that this had significant meaning, at least in astrological or maybe emotional terms.

As it turns out, I am at a turning point in my life, where EVERYTHING is about to change, and I can feeling it coming, like a freight train.  There will be no stopping it, an I have no desire to resist it either.  I am ready for it, in fact, I called for it just days ago.  I posted something on FB like "Okay world, bring it on!  I'm ready!".  Geeze...I don't know if I am prophetic, plain-ol' sensitive or if I should be really careful what I 'pray' for!  Anyway, change is here, and it is big.

First, my 3-year relationship ended very abruptly two days ago.  Completely unexpected.  Three years of promises, love, bonding, commonality, expectation (there's a mistake), and ongoing plans for the future.  Then I call him out on 'chatting' with another woman, and BAM...it's over.  No dialog, no explanation, no warning, no nothing.  Just a hundred forms of blocking one another from this and that form of communication.  For all intents and purposes, he has vanished into the ethers as if he had never existed, and I am left with a profound sense of  freedom/relief/closure/happiness/grief, etc., but most of all a vacuum that has begun to suck all kinds of goodness into my life that was being blocked by my attachment to him.  I feel a bit like I am being suddenly catapulted into the known and unknown, and it is   a very exciting ride.

Like many dreams I have, I am flying above my life, having a good look around, and seeing everything that I am letting go of, with great delight I might add, and waving goodbye without an ounce of regret.  I have been on a path for the last 25 years of building and working and building and working and building and working, and it is complete now.  There will likely remain remnants of it, but I don't feel like they will be my remnants.  Perhaps just a subtle legacy and fond memories.

My catapulted ride has not landed yet, so I have no idea what is next...well, maybe I have some idea, but I don't want to put any expectations out there...I've learned my lesson about that little poisonous tidbit.  But I am free to let go and dream and let providence have its way with me.  I am unafraid, and ready for what my next mission is, and know it will be my best one yet.

I'll let you know what it is when I find out.

Until then, much love and many blessings to all of you.
Peggy

Reflective Idols

An argument ensued over the last 24 that stemmed from one person having idols and the other (me) not having any.  It has inspired deep thought about myself (my favorite thing), the people in my life, the people not in my life, and people of different cultures and belief systems, and I found that this topic did not have any borders, socially, politically, economically or otherwise.

What are idols, and why do so many have them, and even have to have them, and why do I not?  Are either of these choices or needs helpful or destructive, right or wrong?  My ponderance of the day as I drink my illegal raw goat's milk cappuccino in the state of North Carolina.

It all started while discussing history with my significant other when he proclaimed that his idol lived in the 1700's and was none other than Casanova.  Giacomo Casanova.  My initial gut reaction was "Blech!" The quintessential womanizer of all time.  I was first shocked, then appalled, and then I was scared.  How could the man I love aspire to be a man of this moral character?  I must admit that I pretty much saw the writing on the wall on this one.  Those red flags that pop up from time to time were waving obnoxiously in my face like an annoying swarm of black flies as I tried desperately to deflect the swarm with my brain rather than my hands.

Immediately after receiving this tidbit of information, I gave myself a mini-education via an encyclopedic synopsis of Casanova's life, and learned that there was much more to the man then just womanizing.  He was a gambler (and a bad one), lived on the money and graciousness of other people, was imprisoned on multiple occasions, one of which he escaped from and fled that country, was allowed back many years later, only to be evicted again, was in and out of various religious venues and kicked out...it just kept going on and on, and my stomach became more and more queazy.  As far as I could tell, the gig for this gigolo was exposed, and it was up.  There was nothing nobel or moral or appealing to me in this personality type.

But the man I know is more intelligent Casanova was, by far.  It was curious to me that this would be his idol.  Upon more careful study, I found there were striking similarities in their interests, including law, language, mathematics, and the desire to mingle with high society in a desire to see himself in or be accepted into a higher class.  Seeing this, and putting my own emotions aside (that would be the continuous emotion of wanting to vomit), it made me take a closer look at what makes one idolize another.  What is it that makes one an idol of another?

First, the whole notion of idolizing someone is a turn-off for me, personally.  To worship another person would make me feel less than them, and I am not less than anyone.  And to be worshiped by another person would make me feel more than them, and I am not more than anyone either.  It is my deep belief that I am the same as everyone.  Human.  I am the good.  I am the bad.  I am the ugly.  So are you.  So was Casanova.  So was Hitler.  So was Mother Teresa and Jesus.  All human, in all its forms.  So why idol one over the other?

I believe it is more an issue of objectivity.  A desire to see one's self in another, to see our humanity in a way that is validating.  Someone in my distant past once told me that it is impossible to see oneself objectively.  I don't know if this is a true statement or not, but it stayed with me since my youth, and if it is impossible, or perhaps very difficult, finding "idols" makes perfect sense.  Seeking out people of history, past or present, with whom we can most closely identify with gives us the ability to see ourselves more clearly.  They are like having a mirror for our soul.

A personal example of this is during the past year, I went through a period of reclusivity that included a bit of mania and no interest in personal hygiene.  For a few weeks, I declared that Howard Hughes was my idol, much to the horror of my Mom.  My declaration spurred me to read more about him, and I found that there was much more to Hughes then the popular notion that he was just a crazy, stinky man with a lot of money.  He was, in fact, brilliant, achieved many tremendous accomplishments and was a man of great character who was plagued with a bit of mental illness.  Of course, now I idolized him even more.

Having showered recently, taken my morning dose of anti-depressent medication and having had a good night's sleep, I can see myself a bit more clearly, and can see that I wasn't idolizing Hughes.  I was identifying with him.  I didn't want to be like him...I was like him, just as my aforementioned significant other saw himself in Casanova.

Relieving the compulsion to puke, I now realize that our idols shift and change as our mutable souls and psyches search for new mirrors to look into.  Reflections of who we are today may come in the form of Madonna (the pop singer), Madonna (Mother Mary) or Madonna (smirking her way through eternity).  You may see yourself through your child or your dog or a stranger on a bus, or maybe, if you look hard enough into your own eyes, you can see yourself when you look in the mirror.

Regardless of how you come to see yourself, the beauty is that if you don't like who you see, you can change who you are and maybe even become your own idol.  It is then that we see ourselves objectively.

I wonder who will reflect me today.  Maybe it will be me.

A Prayer To Remember

Saturday, on an impulsive whim, I packed up my Airstream and escaped into the National Forest for a 2-week reprieve from my reality.  Faced with various business issues and some difficult impending decisions that must be made, I craved the peace and quiet of nature, where I could become more grounded and perhaps gain some clarity regarding my path, missing any maps I could hold in my hand from which I could chart my course much more easily.

 On my arrival here, I discovered I had not properly winterized my home away from home, and the toilet plumbing had sprung a nasty leak, which flooded my humble abode while I was outside primping and pruning, pulling out all the awnings and breathing deep the forest pine-scented air.  So, my trip essentially started with emergency water valve location identification education and soaking up all the toilet water that was seeping into every nook and cranny.  Plumber’s putty didn’t stop the gusher, so off the valve went on the toilet, which is now being flushed with a bowl of water from the kitchen sink as the faucet in the bathroom is also leaking.  Ugh.  Not the kind of energy I was hoping to experience here.  But I am camping, so okay.

One of the reasons I thought to get away from it all is to find quiet meditative inspiration, or at least a clue to what my life should become.  My professional life is at a crossroads, as is my personal life and love life.  In fact, I think I am on the brink of total destruction and chaos and possible annihilation.

On my third day, unable to find any form of peace, I knew a storm was rolling in.  There were sever thunderstorm and wind warnings all over the region, and I new it would be coming straight through the forest where I was managing to flush my toilet manually.

Sure enough, just after dark, I saw flashes of light in the distance and the wind picked up, swaying the trees quite strongly, back and forth. As the flashes became brighter, I could hear the thunder following them in their requisite number of seconds later, giving me a general idea how long it would be until I would be right under it in my steel plated camper with the antennae fully extended.  I cranked it down, just in case, even though I kinda’ wanted to leave it up.

I decided to turn off the TV and all the lights and experience the storm fully from my fairly well protected bed, my dog, Angel, lying at my feet.  I closed my eyes and felt the storm coming closer and closer, and could now feel the rumbling of the thunder and the sway of the trailer from the heavy winds.  I could also see the flashes of light through my closed eyes and tingled with anticipation of the bang that followed, not knowing if one of them might be from a tree falling on me, or the possibility of a direct lightening strike.  I was hoping that in this unusually intense but meditative state, I would here an inner voice speak to me, have some brilliant insight as to how to get myself out of the mess I find myself in or at least find the hidden answer to one of my thousand questions.  All I found was myself waking up at 8:30 the next morning, not the least bit refreshed.

Jesus, day 4, and I am worse off then when I started on my peace mission.  Depression, cold weather, Angel looking at me with his big chocolate pudding colored eyes longing for me to be happy enough to take him out for a walk.  I mustered the energy to take him out for a walk with my first cup of coffee, and crossed paths with a distinguished looking gentleman walking his very fat and fluffy dog, wearing a suit coat and also carrying a cup of coffee.  We exchanged a few colorful words about the weather and continued on in our opposite directions.

I returned to the trailer as lost as I could be when I received a txt message from a quasi friend who announced that his cancer had returned with a vengeance and his doctor gave him no more than two years to live.  I should have felt bad for him.  Any normal person would have.  But I didn’t.  I felt jealous and envious.  I knew I was in trouble.  

Just then, when putting my purse in the overhead storage, I saw a CD that a friend mailed to me last year.  My friend, Fran McKendree.  I met him many years ago when I first moved to Asheville, and we recently re-connected via Facebook and have had some very beautiful exchanges.  He had emailed me a song he wrote, and I told him how beautiful I thought it was.  The soon after mailed me his CD, and I put it in my trailer last year and didn’t get around to listening to it at that time.  But now it caught my eye and my full attention.  The title of the CD is “Awake”.  I put it in my disc player and laid on the sofa with a blanket over me.  The music was beautiful, filled with songs about God and Jesus.  It was a little bit like being in Church as some of the songs I recognized from going to Mass years back.

As I laid there, I was hoping maybe from Fran’s beautiful music I could connected with something outside or inside myself that would lend itself to feelings of peace and tranquility, but despite the beauty of the melodies and spiritual nature of the lyrics, I was not connect to any of it.  Even as I gazed out the windows up into the swaying trees and the blue sky and white clouds passing by, which was by all accounts as beautiful as the music I was listening to, nothing.  Not until the end of the disc.  There was a song that was not sung, but spoken by Fran about fire, and how there has to be empty space between the wood for the fire to burn, and that all we need to do is put an occasional piece of wood on the fire for it to continue to burn.

That was it! That was the answer and guidance I was looking for.  An old lesson that I had somehow forgotten.  It is not up to me to get me out of this mess.  It is up to God.

All I have to do is to do the next right thing…put an occasional log on the fire.  I have lived this experience profoundly so many times in the past, I can hardly believe that I forgot the many lessons I have already learned about it. My life is none of my business. I had forgotten.  No wonder I felt so utterly powerless.  That is because I am.  And to fight against that is like not only exhausting, but terrifying to the point of paralysis.

As I draw a deep breath of relief into my lungs and listen to my fingers type my words automatically as I think them (so amazing and magical when you think about it), my thoughts go to one place…God.  Okay, two places: God and my stomach, which is hungry.  It is close to 7pm now, and I will do my best to re-member who and what I am, and let go of it.  All of it.  It is when I let go of all things that magic starts to happen. Providence takes place of self-will, and I am able to experience serenity and tranquility in the midst of chaos and uncertainty. And that is a place I wish to live.  Peace lives there.

God’s will, not mine, be done.

Amen

PS: Thank you, Fran, for your ongoing inspiration.

If I Were President

I hadn't even finished my first cup of coffee while scanning through some recent FaceBook posts, and one caught my attention.  I found myself responding to the posed question with a vehemence that I made myself stop, lest I anger my 3400 friends and found myself walking on eggshells as I left my office to retrieve my second cup of coffee knowing that a powerful blog was coming on.

The question was posed by a radio talk-show host named Matt Mittan, who broadcasts from Asheville, NC, and he often posts questions to his FB friends about current topics for their thoughts.  This morning he posted this question:  The Gov. of PA said that we are becoming a nation of wusses after the NFL suspended the game there this weekend, due to the major snow storm. Thoughts?


My response was instant and without need for thought.  My reply:  We're becoming a nation of wusses in so many ways...this is only a microcosm of the overall mentality of much of the American population. A bunch of babies wanting their bottles and blankies. I say get off your asses and get to work, whether it is playing a game in the snow for a gazillion dollars, or flipping burgers for minimum wage...which I have done and would do again if I needed to. I see 'help wanted' signs all over the place, but because they are not good enough...ugh. People need to change if we are to regain any self respect and return to the great nation we used to be...one of pride and hard work and individual responsibility. We never sucked our thumbs because of snow before. Maybe the NFL should end and take those burger-flipping jobs. Yes, a nation of wusses. I couldn't say it better myself.  


I wanted to go on and on, but realized I would be going off topic, ever so slightly, and knew I'd catch hell from my own primarily Liberal base, who get angry if I post that I ate a lamb chop rather than some disgusting tofu blob.  I can't even talk about the weather on FB without causing some 'global warming' fight to break out on my own page, when I never even brought up "that" subject.  From "Wow, it's really cold outside", you can't believe the war that breaks out!  Sometimes ridiculous and generally entertaining, these threads are extremely educational to read as it clearly indicates the mindsets of the people who surround me, every single day.


A nation of wusses.  Ugh.  What happened to us?  When I was a teenager just out of high-school, I did not go on to college for many reasons.  I moved out of my parents house and worked three minimum wage jobs to pay rent, and the bills that I had.  I never once complained about the work I did, or the fact that I had to do it to survive except for the occasional "my feet really hurt", and my Granny would rub them for me.  I was brought up to be self-reliant, responsible, hard-working and proud.  I have never paid a bill late...not one single time.  I have never lived beyond my means and have worked hard for every dime I have ever made.  


I moved to Asheville, NC 16 years ago without a nickel in my pocket, virtually zero possessions (except my cat and my car) and knew nobody.  I pounded the pavement and built a business out of blood, sweat and tears that now earns over $1,000,000.00 a year and employes some 40-50 people, and I have not had to lay a single one off or cut a dollar from their wages through this incredibly stressed economy.  I had to use my entire savings to keep it afloat, but I did it, and am proud that my business survived.  I did what I had to do, rather than cut and run, even though it left me broke.  That is pride.  And if God sees fit, I will rebound through continued hard work and determination.  Many words describe me, but "wuss" is not one of them.


A nation of wusses. (side note: A friend of mine just told me that the Gov. of PA "went off" for about 45 minutes talking about all of this...I am excited to read the transcripts of his speech.  I have a feeling I will be in complete agreement).


A nation of wusses.  This profound truth has been bothering me so much.  I returned from Florida the day after Christmas after visiting with my Papa, who was a WWII POW, and a man who I consider a hero.  Brave, honorable, hard-working until he could work no more, and never a complaint.  He is 92 and reaching the end of his days.  I am glad he does not watch the news as he would be deeply ashamed of the decedents of the people he defended and sacrificed for in 1944.


My trip back was without radio or any music so that I could have the opportunity to meditate, think, ponder and fantasize about a world that is better than the one I now find myself in.  This free-flowing thought brought me to a self-imposed question "What would I do if I were President of the United States?  What would I change, how would I change it, and how would I express myself to the American public my philosophy and plans to restore our great nation?"  


Before I knew it, I was making a speech to the entire country.  It was obviously not written, but spoken from my mind, my heart and my soul.  It all made perfect sense to me and covered all the important topics that are plaguing our country and its people.  I will recount it here.  Perhaps it will reach the eyes and ears of someone who will be able to hear it.


TO THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA


First, please turn off these TelePrompTers.  I do not have any desire to speak words that have been written for me.  I believe a man or woman is only as good as their own word, and mine will come from me only, not from a speech-writer.  I may fumble a few words here or there, but what you see is what you'll get.  Whenever I speak with you, it will be words of integrity, first and foremost.  I will not sugar-coat the issues, nor will I worry about being 'politically correct'.  If your feelings get hurt along the way, so be it.  Get over it.  


What I do care about is the truth and finding solutions to the myriad problems that has turned a country that I am so lucky to have been born in, and so proud to represent into a country of wimps and babies and people who think they are entitled to anything and everything.  This is the wrong path, and it will lead to the demise of our country and to your own demise, not to mention the destruction of any self-respect you may have left.


I wish to share with you my thoughts on each important issue that continues to eat away at our country and how I would correct them.  Some of you will agree, and some will not.  But those who don't are probably part of the problem, and serious self-reflection is strongly recommended if we are to get anywhere.


THE ECONOMY:  I own a small business.  I did not go to college to figure out how to start it, run it or have it be successful.  The rules are elementary...make more than you spend.  It is simple math.  I learned it in First or Second grade.  Addition and subtraction.  If you made it through elementary school, you have these skills.  We all do.  These simple skills must be applied to our National economy.  The current administration would love to run their business by figuring out how much they want to spend, and then charge you for it accordingly.  As far as businesses go, it is my own experience that this is completely backwards.  One must find out what income to reasonably expect, then set one's budget accordingly.  Here the question is what is a reasonable income (tax) expectation. 


It has been proven over and over again that the lower taxes are, the stronger the economy becomes.  If I have lots of money, I spend lots of money.  If I don't, I stop spending.  More simple math.  Obama surely wanted to end Bush tax cuts effective in a few days, but fortunately the Republicans put the breaks on that move.  I find it interesting that now Obama is now taking some kind of 'credit' for this move when he had nothing to do with it.  But I digress.


First, what we need to do is cut taxes across the board.  And even more so for the wealthiest Americans and small businesses.  They are the ones that spend the most, create the most private sector jobs and produce the most tax revenue for the government, even with significant cuts.


Second, we need to cut spending severely.  No more free rides for able-bodied citizens.  Period.  No more pork-barrel spending.  No more big government, lavish trips for heads of state to far off places on the people's dime, no more Czars to control entities that are none of their business.  No more government bail-outs or stimulus packages...basically no more spending outside the absolute necessities that are required to make our country safely function.  This includes keeping our military strong, our elderly and disabled cared for and our constitutional laws enforced.  All other government programs would go by the way-side and become privatized if we want them to continue.


It is not the government's job to educate you, to feed you, to control you or to coddle you.  This is your responsibility.  It is our responsibility as individuals.  What we have, we work for.  When one of our neighbors are in need, we help where we can.  But our neighbors must also learn to be responsible for themselves, and take whatever steps are necessary to become so.


HEALTHCARE:  First, take responsibility for your health and well-being.  Quit smoking, quit eating junk food, exercise and eat as healthily as you possibly can.  Supplement your diet with multi-vitamins and minerals, essential fatty acids, digestive enzymes and pro-biotics. Just these steps will probably prevent you from becoming sick in the first place.


Regarding health insurance coverage, it is unconstitutional to force individuals to purchase it.  But there are measures that must be taken to make it affordable to those who want it and need it.  TORT reform.  Elimination of medical malpractice suits is mandatory if we are to make insurance companies lower their premiums.  Additionally, insurance companies are 'for profit' businesses.  This is fine.  But not from denial of coverage to people with pre-existing conditions.  I would encourage that new non-profit insurance companies form to compete with the 'for-profit' companies.  This competition would bring rates down even further the way healthy competition always does.


IMMIGRATION:  It is clear that millions of people from around the world want to be citizens of this great country.  I would want to be too.  But there are laws and processes that need to be enforced and reenforced.  I would start by making immigration requirements more specific to our country.  Before one could even apply to become a legal resident of the U.S., they should be required to speak fluent English.  The business I own is a school, and we are approved to accept foreign students with a Student Visa provided they pass an English language proficiency exam first.  The same should apply to anyone wanting to live in this country.  These individuals should uphold the laws and values of the United States, and live our way of life, and not expect special treatment, entitlements, multi-lingual signage, etc.  If you want to be an American, you must become one.  


For the illegal immigrants that are already here because we failed to enforce our own laws, we should provide immigration process offices across the country and give these people the opportunity to apply for American citizenship.  The rules should include sufficient language skills, absolutely no criminal record, and proof that they can take care of themselves financially in every respect, or be sponsored by an American family or business.  They should be required to pay taxes like everyone else and will receive the same protections and benefits that all American citizens receive.  But nothing more.  If these simple requirements are not met, they should be sent back to their homeland until they can meet them.


For anyone outside the United States that wish to become American Citizens, the same rules apply before one can enter this country.  And our own laws should be strictly enforced from this point forward on all U.S. borders.


MILITARY:  I love our men and women in service.  I thank them every day.  My father and grandfather were both in the service and I have nothing but respect for them.  Their sacrifices are great and ongoing, even decades after their service for our country.  I know many veterans who have scars so deep, they will never recover, and are treated by the VA like societal rejects rather than the heros they truly are.  Our government should spare no expense in caring for members of our military, past and present, and they should receive nothing but honor and high-quality care for their service.


As far as our military policing the world, I'd like to see an appropriate percentage of them return to our homeland and secure our borders.  And in areas that present danger to our country, our military should remain deployed and active so long as the treat exists.  But it must be a real threat, not a smoke-screen for an oil cache or some other ulterior motive.  Our Generals and foot soldiers should be held equally to the highest standards as should our Commander in Chief.  Our president should always live up to this honored title.  And if he or she cannot do so with the utmost integrity, he or she should be immediately replaced by someone who can.  I am fully aware that there are powers that are far greater than that of our President, but there will be no more 'wink-wink, knod-knod, Bob's your Uncle" shenanigans anymore.  Behind closed doors deals will be a thing of the past, and government contracts will be granted based on quality and bid pricing, and nothing more.  And it will all be transparent provided it does not compromise national security.


Our military will receive everything they need to do their job in the safest and most effective manner, using the most progressive technologies available.


EDUCATION:  This government social program should be made private again.  Our government program continues to degrade and costs tax-payers a fortune.  You may think that public schools are free, but you are incorrect.  You and I pay for them every day.  To bring quality back into our schools, they should become private entities once again.  Much higher quality will naturally return as each school vies for as many students as possible, and tuition will remain low with the level of competition they will have to contend with.  And with the tax cuts everyone will receive from not having to pay for this government program anymore, families will be able to pay for their children to go to the school of their choosing.  School curriculums will no longer be mandated and they can choose to include specialty curriculums for students who show strengths in various areas, be it sciences, the arts, mathematics, etc.  While teaching the basics, students will have the opportunity and support to excel within their natural strengths from the start, and remain much more interested in education than being forced to study outside their natural interests.  They will be much more likely to continue with higher education later on, and become experts in their chosen fields with a foundation that started with Kindergarden rather than in college.


PRISON SYSTEM:  This system is broken in so many ways.  First, it costs a fortune to provide room and board to people who have broken the law.  And we pay for this.  Second, it does not address the reasons these people have broken the law to begin with.  It is a fact that the majority of inmates are there because the laws they broke were directly or indirectly a result of substance abuse, whether it be drugs or alcohol.  While may prisons offer AA and/or NA meetings within their walls, many do not participate or understand how these substances played a role in their actions.


There needs to be effective rehabilitative services within our prison system so that individuals who have served their time have the ability to function as productive, healthy individuals when they re-enter society.  Without such programs and support, these individuals will come out angry and bitter and become repeat offenders in no time, ultimately ending up back in the prison system.  Some make a life of it knowing they will have food, shelter and medical care inside.  For them, it is the easier way of life as they have no other options or support.


I suggest that these program can be administered through a fully voluntary program.  There are many retirees that have much time and wisdom to share, and while I know plenty of them who take substance abuse meetings into the prisons, there are so many more who would likely volunteer mentoring/sponsoring programs if they were available.  It would cost tax-payers nothing, and provide a much needed resource that would reduce the number of re-offenders and give these individuals a leg to stand on once they are released.


There are many more issues that need to be addressed and corrected if we are to find our way back to being a great country.  These are, of course, the major issues at hand, and my thoughts about how they would be best corrected.  If you are interested in hearing how I would handle any other issue, certainly ask.  If I do not know the answer, I will tell you so, and then I will look for a solution.  I will never make anything up just to satisfy any person.  But I will tell you the truth, as I see it, and always look for the best possible solution to any problem.


God bless us all, including the Governor of Pennsylvania (whom I look very much forward to learning more about) and may we none be wusses anymore.


Peggy

It's Not BP's Fault, It's Ours.

A few days ago, a friend posed the following question.  I felt strongly inclined to answer because I had something to say on the matter that I haven't heard anyone else say. Her question was specifically addressed to her more "conservative" friends: "How would less regulation of business/free market forces address this oil rig crisis or would it have prevented it?"


My answer: As one of your more conservative friends, I could not resist the invitation to communicate my thoughts on this subject. 
As a conservative, I have a core belief that the more freedom we have as human beings (less regulations, the smallest possible government, the freedom to choose our path and make as little or as much money as we desire without being enabled or punished, respectively), the more responsible we become as individuals, and the more we care about what happens around us.

There have been many examples in history where rules/regulations never came into question, and we, as humans, stepped up and did the right thing. It is our nature to help and protect one another, especially in crisis, be it natural disaster or one brought upon by humans. From Valdese to Katrina, Haiti to the failed BP platform, we as humans are all responsible, and without fail, we have gone to extremes to take care of one another and as much of nature as we humanly can. It is our nature, love. We need no government to dictate our nature.

The fact is that we all continue to rely on oil, for travel, and just about every product we purchase, right down to the plastic wrap. Yet we cry foul play when a mistake happens like it has with BP and seek to punish them and the industry as a whole because our white sandy beaches are now becoming polluted and our wildlife is suffering. Suffering too are other industries, like travel/tourism that rely on visitors to vacation at those white sandy locations, the seafood industry because they can not fish the damaged waters, so hundreds of Red Lobster restaurants are in short supply around the world...or maybe they will just pay a little more and get it from somewhere else. Of course, they will charge their patrons more as well.

I'm sure the ripple affect is as great as a tsunami, when it comes right down to it, but I say this: Nothing in God's world happens by mistake. Nothing. Sometimes extreme events are necessary to wake individuals up. It melts political and religious divides, and we become closer to who we are meant to be...connected souls, all. We will always do the right thing and make the right choices if left to our own devices. Except for the sick few among us, there is not a person on this planet, including every single employee at BP who wanted to cause this damage. And if these individuals could have personally prevented it, I guarantee you, they would have.

Geeez...I really want to stay focused to your question of regulation, but continue to be pulled into the bigger picture around your question...sorry... (always been a big-picture girl) Let me see if I can boil it down...

First, human beings, when they are being who they really are, do not require rules/regulations to do the right thing. We know what it is, always. That is why we have a conscious, and everyone rallies when there is disaster that is bigger than our government. If we had a smaller government, it would take smaller and smaller events for us to step up and do what is necessary, in any event. Reliance on government has made us lazy as a whole, and allowed our conscious to become dormant. Sometimes we have to be slapped upside the head to wake up.

Second, we continue to have these wake up calls, yet nothing to date has been strong enough for us as individuals to change our lifestyles, or products, or fuel sources. Selfishness exists in every one of us. We all want our gas, our tires, and so on. And that is because we rely on the government to take care of us. It is a false security, if ever there was one. No rules or regulations will make us any more secure. It will just continue to give us a false sense of security and keep us asleep.

Third, the government could take over the US oil industry and "own" it, just as they are working on with the auto industry, the banking industry, and the health care industry, but that will never improve quality. It will only only degrade it. There are no examples in history where government take-overs have been successful and/or healthy for more than a minute, and so many examples where it has been tragically destructive. And that is all Regulations are...a form of ownership.

I think it will take much more than the BP accident to change who we are, and the bigger the government, the longer it will take. It is possible that it will take running out of oil completely and the complete implosion of our government to wake us up and make us whole again...human beings, wide awake, in all our power, strength and glory. Whatever it takes, I look forward to it.

Until then, each and every one of us is responsible for everything that happens. And no government regulations will change that fact, let alone prevent these 'slap-up-side-the-head' events. They will happen, regardless. They need to. They are intended to wake us up. 

Ugh...big picture again...very big.

It Was The Remote

It's been a couple of months.  A friend asked me when I was going to write again, and I told him I would do so when I felt inspired once again by something I considered to be important, if not a personally profound.  During my conversation with him, he reminded me a a very funny moment in our deep past which lead to the content of my current blog entry.  This entry.

As many of you know, I work in the holistic health industry, and have for many years.  This means that many of my close associates and friends are holistically centered, and sport bumper stickers that say things like PEACE ON EARTH, INTEGRATE (all in letters designed to look like a bunch of religious symbols), CHOOSE LIFE...all of which I can get behind for the most part, but the one that has always bugged me is KILL YOUR TV.  Seen it for years, hated it for years.

Television has brought me more joy, education and entertainment than any other single thing that I know of.  Is that wrong?  All the way back to the Little Rascals and the Three Stooges, to the Brady Bunch and My Favorite Martian.  I learned all about racial integration...hell, I didn't even know where was such a thing as black people at that tender young age, humor (albeit somewhat violent-but was smart enough to know it was pretend), how to be a part of a perfect family (and still pretty much am) and the possibilities of science fiction becoming a reality as we walked around on the moon, unless you are a conspiracy theorist and think the whole thing was staged.

Later I recognized the shows that provided a window into the civil services...Emergency 51 (remember Johnny Gage-had the biggest crush, although I really liked Dr. Early too...his calm demeanor and higher intelligence) and CHIPS (remember Eric Estrada with those white, white teeth...those were before tooth whitening became a requirement for beauty...and yes I had a crush on him too).

Movies also were a bit life-defining.  The first time I fell in love, I was only maybe 6 or 7 years old, and fell head-over-heals for Tarzan...probably the original Tarzan.  I wanted to be Jane so much that I literally could not sleep at night and would get butterflies in my stomach whenever I thought of that big, strong, protective, handsome beast-of-a-man swooping down through the trees on perfectly placed vines to rescue his Jane, just moments before she was eaten by the fierce lion...who turned out to be Tarzan's personal friend.  Now that's hot.  Still is.  Two kings of the jungle protecting me?  MMMMhhhhmmmmmm!

Later I became interested in more sophisticated programming, like LA Law, NYPD Blue, X-Files, and others.  They provided me with an inside look at our judicial system and government agencies.  Of course, much of it is fabricated entertainment, but I know enough to know the difference.  I learned about the hierarchy that exists within various agencies, protocols, what is okay to speak about and what is best left to one's self.  I learned what is a tolerable norm, and what is considered fringe.  The latter I generally keep to myself as I have had enough experiences that expressing fringe concepts can easily alienate me from my peers, if not scare them the hell away!

Most recently, I have become attracted to shows like Bones and NCIS for their detailed forensic science and crime solving tactics, as well as Dexter for cleaning up the garbage that Bones and NCIS leaves behind.  Vigilante justice still appeals to me, probably after my many John Wayne indoctrinations, way back in my past.

Anyway, I have become so fascinated with these shows that I bought an Apple TV which allows me to purchase entire seasons of whatever shows I like, and watch them all I wish, studying the characters, the processes and protocols, and how some of our systems of government really probably work.  I became so curious about NCIS that I actually purchased 7 full seasons (about 175 1-hour episodes) and watched every one of them within about a week.  Okay...two weeks...but still!  That's about 12 hours of study on the Naval Criminal Investigative Service a day for 14 straight days. Who would ever want to know that much about an organization I have nothing personally to do with?  Me.  If I become interested in something, I learn as much as I can about it, including internet research, and once in a while, books, though I have little time to read with all this TV watching I need to do.

Recently, I am confronted with the fact that none of the characters on NCIS own or watch TV.  They have busy, full lives, and do things like read books and go out with friends.  Totally annoying, considering I am devoting 12 hours a day to watching their show.  Additionally, my niece who is 25 years old recently cancelled her cable service.  What I am witnessing is that she is become much more active in her life...going out and doing yoga, running, socializing, romancing the world in a way I used to do.  Also totally annoying.

That brings me back to that dreadful KILL YOUR TV bumper sticker that I still hate.  How am I to learn about all these amazing careers and their internal structures without applying for a job at a LA Law Firm or the NY Police Department, or the Federal Bureau of Investigation or the Naval Criminal Investigative Services, especially when I've never been in the Navy, not to mention that I have a $3500 SONY Bravia XBR?  How could I kill something so technologically extraordinary and beautiful?

I have to contemplate how much I want to do yoga, read books, socialize, twiddle my thumbs, meditate, etc.  Despite my ridiculously apparent fascination with the boob tube, I maintain my own home by myself, working often 2-3 hours a day outside and maintain my own business, which for all intents and purposes is highly successful.  I feed my dog and cat every day, and eat healthily for the most part.  My mind works faster than most, and it NEVER turns off.  The only way I can stop it from hyperdrive and often whorp-speed is to turn on the TV and focus outside myself and into the minds of other people and organizations.  And it is often the only way I can fall asleep (besides reading, which is too boring to stay awake for).

The whole situation really stinks.  On one hand, I feel like I may be wasting my life away by not doing Yoga, meditating, meeting friends for coffee, blah, blah, blah.  But on the other hand, I grow in intelligence every single day, feel satiated, calm and fulfilled without the aforementioned healthy alternatives.

There is nothing like lying in my incredibly comfortable bed at night (or during the day when I am on a serious mission) next to my dog and cat watching something that challenges my mind, enlightens my soul, and provides me with new ideas and inspiration for future opportunities, real or imagined.  And like my old friend did that day, long, long ago, if I happen to have a bout of bad gas, I can blame it on the remote rather than my dog.

Long live my TV.