Are We God?

How many times have you heard an interview of a victim of a horrible crime, like rape or the murder of a loved one, or some other form of violent attack say "I always knew that would happen."?  Or on a lesser scale, how many times have you hear someone say "I always have the worst luck", or "I never get good service at restaurants" or "My life is always hard", or "I am never going to find a job I love".  Or even to the smallest degree, "I can't lose weight" or "I can't afford to do this or that", or "this pain will never go away'.

Then there are the positive ones like "Everything I touch turns to gold", and I am the luckiest person I know", and "I will have this or that", and the next thing you know, they do!

It is clear, just by their statements, that these are all beliefs.  The question is, however, what ARE beliefs?  Statements of fact?  Yes.  Of course.  These are what the individual experiences in their life, good and bad. But these 'beliefs' have to start from some pivotal, an life-defining moment in our lives if they are long held beliefs, as most of them are.

One of the first experiences I had watching this happen in someone's life was in that of one of my sisters.  She and her husband were planning on building a house somewhere, and she was dead-set on having a "yellow" house.  The looked through hundreds of building plans, and none of them included exterior siding that had yellow as an option.  Not one.  But one day, she put a picture of a yellow house on her refrigerator and repeated "I will have a yellow house'.

Weeks went by, and she and her husband finally settled on a specific house plan, and again, yellow was not an option with the company they were going with, so my sister reluctantly settled for a light cream colored siding.

So, months went by, and the house was built and built and build, and one of the last phases of completion was the installation of the siding.  It had arrived in the light beige color they ordered and was installed.  But something incredible happened after it was up.  When you stood back and looked at it, it was the most beautiful color of butter yellow that you could ever imagine.  I remember her delight, and her saying "See, I told you I would have a yellow house!".

Wow...I was so impressed, and excited by the implications of her experience in my own life.  She told me I had to be very careful in what I asked for, and that I could manifest it, no matter what.  And I knew she was onto something pretty remarkable.  If only I could tap into that same source.

I reflected upon what God might have to do with it, and initially I though "nothing".  But then I remembered an experience I had when I was very young...maybe seven or so.  My grandparents had taken me and my sister to Disneyland in Anaheim, California, just a year or so after it had opened.  It was one of the most magical places I could ever have dreamed of, and I was completely mesmerized by the Magic Castle.  At that time (and maybe still), there was a drawbridge that you had to cross to enter the Magic Castle, and on either side of it was a wishing well, at least that what my Granny told me it was.  She told me that if you threw a coin into it and wished really really hard, that your wish would come true.  I asked to do it right then and Granny handed me a quarter.  I held it tightly in my hand, closed my eyes, and with all the might of a seven year old child, I wished for a bunny rabbit.  It was the grandest and most extravagant wish I could think of for myself.  After a few moments, I opened my eyes, and threw the coin into the fountain with all the hundreds of others that had been tossed in there before mine.  Our Disney adventure continued and I didn't give the wishing well much more thought, if any, that I recall.

Our trip ended, and we all flew back to Michigan where I lived, and something amazing happened.  When I got home, I found that my parents had gotten me a pet rabbit.  Not a stupid stuffed one, but a real, live, furry bunny.  My Dad had build a rabbit hut for it in our back yard and everything.  And I knew that something profoundly miraculous had happened.  I knew that my wish had been literally granted to me, like a genie from a lamp.  I felt it inside me on a soul level and was practically overcome with the knowledge that I had tapped into something extraordinary.  And I knew it was mine.  Everywhere I went, I felt it, and it quickly became something of an invisible friend that I would even talk to, though silently, and I knew with great certainty it could hear me, and I could hear it.

Now, the skeptic in me, and probably even you, would say that I must have told Granny about what I wished for, and she called the folks back home and said "hey, your kid wants a rabbit".  It is quite possible, although I'm almost sure I remember Granny telling me not to tell anybody about what I wished for.  Regardless, I will not discount this as a possibility.  But whatever happened that day produced an outcome that I couldn't have conjured up any other way, and that private friend that I continued my relationship and talks with remains with me to this day.  I now call it God.  Could be George, or Henrietta, or Ichabod Crane, for all I know.  But God feels most fitting, given the nature of the power I experienced on that fateful day as a child.

Over the years, we have danced and argued and bargained and I have even quit our relationship a number of times.  It had all the dynamic of a real relationship with another person, only it was a secret, invisible one.  Once, in my mid-twenties, I even believed that it wasn't real, but only a figure of my overactive imagination.  I told it that I didn't believe in it anymore, and was certain (and terrified) that I was on my own...that everything in my life was my own responsibility and it was over.  That lasted about 2 months.  I remember feeling more alone in the world than I ever had before.  Then one day while I as driving down the road, I said to it "Okay, if you really exist, prove it".  Within seconds I should have been involved in a hideous traffic accident, but instead, I floated through it, in between all the crashes around me, coming inches away from being hit, and went through it like I had some kind of protective shield around me or something.  I am a good driver, but I cannot credit my driving skills with that specific event.  My hands were on the wheel, but I was definitely not driving.  After I came through to the other side, I just said "Okay.' as I felt the hair raise up all over my body.  I haven't questioned its presence in my life since.

The next profound and life-defining moment I had with regard to this power was in 1994.  I was working at a little yoga studio doing massage part time.  I was new to the area and desperate to create income for myself (right after I swore I would never work for anyone ever again), and some of the clients I was drawing were of the unsavory variety...men wanting happy endings which I would never in a million years even consider providing.  One day, I was grumbling about these creepy guys coming in to get a 'massage' to a physiologist that worked where I did, and he told me to simply tell the 'universe' not to send me clients like that anymore, and that it would stop.  So, that day, I told my secret friend rather than the 'universe' to stop sending me those kinds of clients from now on.  And I can say that it never happened again.  Not once.

Further, while still working at this same location, I would sometimes come in with really low energy and not wanting to work, and all my clients would call and cancel.  Conversely, if I had a light schedule and felt full of energy, my schedule would magically fill up.  It happened over and over again, and one day the young lady that worked there at the reception desk exclaimed that she was going to call me PMG, for "Peggy, the Manifesting Goddess".  We giggled wildly, but we both knew I was causing it to happen, and the name PMG stuck.  It's actually part of my corporate name, PMG HealthCom, Inc.

I've often struggled with whether or not this power to manifest comes from within me or from the outside source that I sense, or if they are one in the same, somehow woven together through my soul's connection to everything.  Could it simply be the conviction of my thought processes at the time that brings forth what I ask for, or is there a magic, invisible friend out there somewhere catering to my biggest and smallest whims, depending on my request, argument for bargain of the day?  When I put something out there to the universe, who has time to listen to it and respond with such clarity and certainty, and if there is something listening and responding, how does it seem to care about even the quality of breath I take into my body?  Is it my own personal genie, or a force that listens just as carefully to every single creature on earth with the same care, thoroughness and perfection?  It would have to be inside me somehow, or else how could it, at the same time, manifest my sister's yellow house and stop the creepy clients from coming in and prevent the terrible car accidents from happening while attending to everybody else's requests and prayers and demands?  I don't think that even God can be that great a multi-tasker.

Nonetheless, we continue to dance and argue and bargain, and whatever I ask for, I receive, without exception.  This includes the good, the bad and the very ugly.  My words, thoughts and deeds all work to reflect what I am really asking for, and like my sister told me long ago, I have to be VERY careful about these things.  I can ask for a million dollars, and just as quickly override that thought with another that says "I am so broke!".  Or I can say something like "I will never work for another person EVER again" with such conviction, and have been self-employed ever sense, never having looked back.  I can ask for and manifest the most incredible relationships and completely sabotage it with my own negative thinking before they even have a chance to start.  I have learned that I have absolute freedom of choice in what I ask for, and can actually have anything in the world I want, just by what I say, think and do.

I guess it is not important to know where my power comes from.  What is important is to know that I have it and understand how it works, and use this knowledge to continually refine and adjust the manifestations in my life.  If I don't like how something turned out, I absolutely have the power to change it, simply by asking. I don't even have to know how to make those changes.  They are revealed in the process of getting from here to there.  And sometimes, I am simply transported to wherever I am going, never having seen the processes that got me there.

Yes, there is a God alright.  I'm certain of it.  And maybe I'm it.